Broken Sonnets for a Departed Lover

 

Waking at three in the morning, my eyes

Damp for some reason, I lie silent in the dark

Listening for the familiar fall and rise

Of your soft breathing; but only the stark

 

Emptiness of absence surrounds my frail

Vacuum. My heartbeat throbs like your cock

Used to, while I can only weep with hatred at my stale

Desire. My brain screams at me, begging me to mock

 

My ridiculous longing, my hopeless dreams

Of belonging. But my heart screams back

Ripping me apart at the seams

Dragging me into the black

 

Broken pit of pain where my pathetic words

Wither and die like abandoned baby birds.

 

Standing on the bus, I find myself weeping

Without control. Solicitous old ladies, leaping

Shakily to their feet, offer me their seats,

Along with tissues and mints, as the streets

 

Blur past through rain smeared windows.

I feel like one of those scary weirdos

I used to edge away from, despising their

Twitching features and unkempt hair.

 

I dab at my eyes, despising my overt

Weakness. Why did you choose now to insert

Yourself into that empty hole which once we shared

Where once we danced, our twin souls bared

 

But which now just burns

Whenever memory returns.

  

My phone mocks me; shiny screen blank,

Exuding smug silence. I deleted your number

In a rare moment of honest frank

Acceptance; an attempt to disencumber

 

My life of your memory. Fuck you;

And fuck your pathetic need

To call me every day, as if you knew

I’d one day wait like this, forced to concede

 

That I can’t forget you. Can’t force

You out of my mind. Remembering the ring

That now won’t come. No remorse,

No sorrow, no regret; just the sting

 

Of reflexive reaction:

Of painful protraction.

(c) NaughtyAnnie 2021. All rights reserved.